There’s this idea that you need to pick a lane. Choose one identity. Commit to one aesthetic. Be one thing so people can understand you.

But here’s what I believe: you’re allowed to want more than one thing. You’re allowed to be multiple versions of yourself. And you don’t need anyone’s permission to live a life that doesn’t fit neatly into a single category.

There’s no rulebook to the human experience except the Bible. Everything else is just noise.

Before I dive deep into this week’s topic, I want to highly encourage my readers who are women, ambitious, if you’re a mother, or wanting to be one day to join our community. It’s free…

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Video of the Week

Spotlight: The Permission You Don’t Need (But I’m Giving You Anyway)

You’re allowed to want a career and motherhood and a business.

You’re allowed to love the corporate grind and also dream about staying home with your kids someday.

You’re allowed to want the farmhouse aesthetic and the luxury minimalist aesthetic and the maximalist colorful aesthetic all at once.

You’re allowed to be ambitious and soft. Strategic and spiritual. Serious about your work and playful with your family.

You don’t have to choose.

The Lie We’ve Been Told

Somewhere along the way, we started believing that clarity means singularity. That if you want to be taken seriously, you have to pick one thing and stick to it forever. One career path. One parenting philosophy. One style. One version of success.

But that’s not clarity. That’s limitation.

And the worst part? Most of these “rules” aren’t even real. They’re just stories we’ve been told so many times that we stopped questioning them.

Society says you can’t be a good mother and a driven businesswoman. But who decided that? Show me the data. Show me the Bible verse. You can’t, because it doesn’t exist. It’s just a narrative designed to make women choose between parts of themselves.

Society says you need to have one clear brand, one aesthetic, one identity that people can understand immediately. But why? So strangers on the internet can categorize you faster? So you’re easier to market?

The only rulebook that actually matters is the Bible. And even there, you see complexity. Ruth was a widow, a immigrant, a mother figure, a businesswoman, a woman of faith. Esther was a queen, a strategist, a woman of courage who risked everything. Priscilla taught theology, ran a business with her husband, and opened her home to others.

None of these women were one thing. They were fully human, which means they were many things at once.

You Can Want Multiple Things

You can want to build a seven-figure business and also want to be the mom who makes homemade cookies and shows up to every school event.

You can want the corner office and the cozy home and the freedom to walk away from both if they stop serving you.

You can be the woman who wears power suits to meetings and also the woman who wears yoga pants and messy buns while building an empire from your kitchen table at 1am.

You can love luxury and simplicity. Ambition and rest. Structure and spontaneity.

The idea that you have to pick one is a trap. And the women who are thriving? They’re the ones who stopped asking for permission to want it all.

Multiple Aesthetics, Multiple Lives

Let’s talk about something shallow for a second: aesthetics.

You’re allowed to like farmhouse style and modern minimalism and maximalist color and cottagecore and dark academia and clean girl aesthetic all at the same time.

You can have a Pinterest board that doesn’t make sense to anyone but you.

You can dress corporate one day and bohemian the next and streetwear the day after that.

Because here’s the truth: you’re not a brand. You’re a person. And people are complex.

The same goes for how you live your life. You can want the quiet morning routine and the late-night productivity session. You can want deep solitude and vibrant community. You can want to travel the world and also want to build a home you never want to leave.

These aren’t contradictions. They’re dimensions.

Career, Motherhood, Business—Yes, All of Them

You’re allowed to want a corporate career that pays well and gives you structure and intellectual challenge.

You’re also allowed to want to be a mother who’s present, engaged, and deeply connected to your children.

You’re also allowed to want to build a business that’s yours, that reflects your vision, that gives you freedom and ownership.

And here’s the part that breaks people’s brains: you’re allowed to want all three. Not necessarily all at once at 100% capacity, but across the arc of your life? Absolutely.

Maybe you spend your 20s building your career. Your 30s having babies and scaling back to part-time or starting a business you can control. Your 40s going all-in on entrepreneurship when your kids are more independent. Your 50s stepping into corporate leadership or board positions.

Or maybe you do all three simultaneously at 60% each and accept that “enough” in each area is actually enough.

There’s no rule that says you have to pick one path and stick to it forever. There’s no cosmic law that says wanting multiple things makes you uncommitted or confused.

The only rule is this: be honest about what you actually want, and build your life accordingly. Don’t let other people’s small imaginations limit what you believe is possible for yourself.

The Judgment Will Come (And It Doesn’t Matter)

Here’s what will happen when you start living this way:

People will be confused. They won’t know how to categorize you. They’ll ask questions like “but what do you actually do?” as if you need to be reducible to a single sentence.

People will judge you. They’ll say you’re doing too much. That you should focus. That you can’t be good at everything. That you’re spreading yourself too thin.

People will project their own limitations onto you. They’ll tell you what’s realistic based on what they’ve seen or experienced, not based on what’s actually possible.

And none of it matters.

Because the only person who has to live your life is you. The only person who has to look back at the end and assess whether it was well-lived is you.

God gave you desires, gifts, capacities, seasons, and a unique calling. And nowhere in Scripture does it say “but make sure it’s simple enough for strangers to understand.”

Give Yourself Permission

If you’ve been waiting for someone to tell you it’s okay to want more than one thing, here it is:

It’s okay.

It’s more than okay. It’s human.

You’re allowed to want the career and the babies and the business. You’re allowed to want stability and adventure. You’re allowed to want to be known and to be private. You’re allowed to want rest and productivity.

You’re allowed to be a woman who doesn’t fit into neat categories.

You’re allowed to build a life that’s as complex and multi-dimensional as you are.

And you don’t need anyone’s permission but God’s.

What I’m Watching

The Rise of “Slash Careers”
More women are identifying with multiple professional identities simultaneously—entrepreneur/author/consultant, designer/mother/podcaster. The LinkedIn one-liner is dying, and women are refusing to be reduced to a single role.

The “Pick-Me” Aesthetic Debate
There’s a conversation happening about women who switch aesthetics frequently being called inauthentic or attention-seeking. But maybe the real issue is that we’ve been conditioned to think consistency in appearance equals consistency in character, which is absurd.

Multi-Hyphenate Identity in Motherhood
Research is showing that mothers who maintain multiple identities (professional, creative, community roles) alongside motherhood report higher life satisfaction than those who identify solely as mothers. Turns out, being more than one thing is actually protective for mental health.

Community Question

What are the multiple things you want that you’ve been told you have to choose between? Career and motherhood? Two different career paths? Multiple creative interests?

Hit reply and tell me. I want to know what you’re not giving yourself permission to want.

Recommended Reading

“Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less” by Greg McKeown
Before you think this contradicts everything I just said—it doesn’t. This book isn’t about wanting less. It’s about doing less at any given time so you can do more over the course of your life. It’s about seasons and focus, not permanent limitation.

“Atlas of the Heart” by Brené Brown
This maps out the full range of human emotions and experiences. We’re not meant to be one-dimensional. We’re meant to be whole, which means holding complexity.

Until Next Week

Thanks for being here. If this gave you permission to want more than one thing, forward it to someone who needs to hear it too. And if someone forwarded this to you, subscribe here

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Office hours are closed for the week.

—Resa

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They say it takes a village. But nobody tells you that the wrong village will drain you dry while the right one will help you build the life you’re meant to live.

This week, we’re talking about friendship. Not the surface-level kind. The real kind. The kind that actually adds to your life instead of just filling your calendar.

2026 We are working on: Quality over quantity. Always.

Video of the Week

Spotlight: Building Your Village the Right Way

Here’s what most women get wrong about friendship: they think having a lot of friends means they have a strong support system. They collect people. They say yes to every social invitation. They maintain relationships that don’t actually serve them because they’re afraid of being alone or being seen as difficult.

And then they wonder why they’re exhausted. Why their cup is empty. Why they have all these “friends” but still feel unsupported.

The truth? You don’t need a crowd. You need a village. And there’s a difference.

A crowd is people who show up when it’s convenient, when it’s fun, when there’s something in it for them. A village is people who show up when it’s hard, when you need them, when there’s nothing glamorous about being there.

Building the right village starts with understanding yourself. Because if you don’t know who you are, what season you’re in, and what you actually need, you’ll end up with a circle full of people who can’t meet you where you are.

Know Yourself First

Before you can build your village, you need clarity about who you are and what you need.

Are you Type A or Type B? Are you an introvert who needs deep one-on-one conversations, or an extrovert who thrives in group energy? Are you in a season of building a business and need strategic thinkers around you, or are you in early motherhood and need people who understand the chaos of raising tiny humans?

Your personality type, your life season, and your values determine what kind of village you need. And here’s the part most people miss: your village will change as you change. The friends who served you in your 20s might not be the ones you need in your 30s. The people who understood you when you were single might not understand you now that you’re married with kids. And that’s okay.

You’re not betraying anyone by outgrowing friendships that no longer fit. You’re just being honest about what you need.

The Different Types of Friends (And What They’re For)

Not all friends serve the same purpose. And expecting one friend to be everything to you is how you end up disappointed. Here are the different types of friends you need in your village:

The Strategic Friend
This is the friend who thinks about business, career, money, growth. When you’re stuck on a decision, they help you see the angles you’re missing. They challenge your thinking. They introduce you to opportunities. They’re not just cheerleaders they’re actively helping you build.

You need at least one strategic friend in your village. Someone who’s playing the same game you’re playing, who understands what you’re trying to build, and who can speak into your decisions with actual wisdom.

The Wisdom Friend
This is the friend who’s been where you’re going. Maybe they’re older, maybe they’ve just lived more, but they have perspective you don’t have yet. They’re the ones you call when you’re overwhelmed, when you’re questioning everything, when you need someone to remind you that you’re not crazy and this season will pass.

Wisdom friends don’t always give advice. Sometimes they just listen. But when they speak, you listen, because they’ve earned your trust through their own lived experience.

The Accountability Friend
This is the friend who doesn’t let you off the hook. When you say you’re going to do something, they check in. When you’re slipping into old patterns, they call you out. When you’re making excuses, they don’t buy it.

Accountability friends are not comfortable. They’re necessary. They love you enough to tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it.

The Joy Friend
This is the friend who makes you laugh. Who reminds you that life isn’t just about productivity and progress. Who gets you out of your head and into the moment. They might not be the ones you call in a crisis, but they’re the ones who remind you why life is worth living.

Joy friends serve a real purpose. They’re the release valve. The lightness. The reminder that you don’t have to be “on” all the time. And yes, this can include the friend who wants to go out on weekends, have fun, be social. That friend has value they just can’t be your only friend.

You can’t trauma dump on the joy friend and expect depth. They’re not wired for that, and that’s okay. They meet you where they are, and you meet them there too. Just don’t confuse activity for substance.

The Spiritual Friend
This is the friend who speaks to your soul. Who prays with you, who points you back to God when you’re lost, who helps you see the bigger picture beyond just what you’re building in the material world.

Not everyone needs a spiritual friend, but if faith is part of your foundation, this friendship is essential. This is the person who reminds you that your worth isn’t tied to your productivity, that God’s timing is better than your forcing, that there’s purpose even in the hard seasons.

The Mom Friend (if applicable)
If you’re a mother, you need at least one friend who’s in the trenches with you. Someone who understands why you’re exhausted, why you can’t just “go out” last minute, why you’re touched out and overstimulated and still showing up anyway.

Mom friends get it. They don’t judge you for serving chicken nuggets three nights in a row. They don’t expect you to have your life together. They’re just surviving alongside you, and that solidarity matters.

Reciprocity: You Have to Give Too

Here’s the part nobody wants to talk about: you can’t just take from your village. You have to add value too.

If you have a strategic friend, are you showing up for their wins? Are you introducing them to opportunities? Are you thinking about their goals as much as they’re thinking about yours?

If you have a wisdom friend, are you respecting their time? Are you actually implementing their advice instead of asking the same questions over and over?

If you have an accountability friend, are you being honest with them? Are you letting them speak truth even when it’s uncomfortable?

Your village isn’t a one-way relationship. It’s reciprocal. And if you’re always taking and never giving, you don’t have a village you have people you’re using.

Quality Over Quantity

You don’t need 20 friends. You need 3-5 solid ones who each bring something different to your life and who you can show up for in return.

Stop trying to maintain friendships that drain you. Stop showing up to things out of obligation. Stop pretending you have the bandwidth for everyone when you don’t.

Protect your energy. Protect your time. Protect your peace.

The right village will understand. The wrong one will guilt you for having boundaries. And that’s how you know who actually belongs in your life.

Building Takes Time

If you don’t have your village yet, that’s okay. Building real friendships takes time. It takes vulnerability. It takes showing up consistently, not just when you need something.

Start with self-knowledge. Get clear on who you are, what season you’re in, and what you actually need. Then look for people who are aligned with that. Not people who are convenient. Not people who just happen to be around. People who actually fit.

And be patient. The right people will show up. You just have to be clear enough about what you need to recognize them when they do.

What I’m Watching

The Loneliness Epidemic Among Ambitious Women
Data is showing that high-achieving women report higher rates of loneliness than their male counterparts, not because they don’t have friends, but because they struggle to find friendships that match the depth and intensity of their ambition. Surface-level friendships don’t cut it when you’re building something significant.

The “Friendship Recession” Post-Motherhood
Research shows that women lose an average of two close friendships within the first year of becoming a mother, often because their childless friends don’t understand the shift in availability and priorities. The village you had before kids might not be the village you need after.

Boundary-Setting as Self-Preservation
More women are talking openly about ending friendships that no longer serve them, and the cultural conversation is shifting from “you’re being mean” to “you’re protecting your peace.” Boundaries aren’t cruelty they’re clarity.

Community Question

Who’s in your village right now? Do you have the friends you actually need, or are you maintaining friendships that don’t serve you anymore?

Hit reply and let me know. I want to hear how you’re thinking about your circle.

Recommended Reading

“Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends” by Marisa G. Franco
This breaks down the actual psychology of friendship formation and maintenance. If you’re struggling to build your village, this will help you understand why and what to do about it.

“The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” by Sarah Knight
Sometimes you need permission to let go of friendships that are draining you. This book gives you that permission, with humor and zero guilt.

Until Next Week

Thanks for being here. If this resonated, forward it to a woman who’s trying to figure out who actually belongs in her life. And if someone forwarded this to you, subscribe here

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Office hours are closed for the week.

—Resa

If you’re an ambitious woman building something meaningful, you’ve probably heard this question a thousand times: “When are you going to get married.. have kids?”

As if building your life is something you’re doing until you can stop and focus on finding a man.

Here’s what I actually believe: the right partnership will align with your path, not derail it. And forcing something just because you think you’re supposed to be partnered by a certain age is one of the fastest ways to slow yourself down.

This week, let’s talk about how to think about relationships when you’re building your life.

Video of the Week

Spotlight: Don’t Force It—Build Your Life First

There’s this pressure women feel in their 20s and 30s. You’re supposed to be building your career, but you’re also supposed to be finding a husband. And if you’re too focused on your ambition, people start worrying about you. “Don’t wait too long.” “Your biological clock is ticking.” “What if you miss your chance?”

So women start making compromises. They date men who aren’t quite right because at least it’s someone. They adjust their goals to fit someone else’s timeline. They say yes to relationships that feel like settling because they’re afraid of being alone or running out of time.

And here’s what happens: they slow down. Their ambition gets smaller. Their dreams get quieter. Because most men, especially men in their hustling years, are not equipped to support a woman who’s building something big.

Let me be clear about something: men are in their hustling phase until they’re 60. Maybe longer. They’re building careers, chasing promotions, starting businesses, trying to prove themselves. And during that phase, most of them need a partner who supports their ambition, not someone whose ambition competes with theirs for attention and resources.

This isn’t about blaming men. It’s about being realistic. A man who’s trying to build his own life doesn’t have the bandwidth to championing yours. And a woman who’s trying to build her life while also managing the emotional labor of a relationship that’s not aligned is operating at a disadvantage.

So here’s what I want you to consider: what if you just didn’t force it?

Focus on Your Path

What if you spent your 20s and early 30s building exactly what you want to build, without compromise? What if you focused on your career, your business, your skills, your financial independence, your clarity about who you are and what you’re capable of?

Not because you’re avoiding relationships. But because you’re building the foundation that makes you the kind of woman who attracts the kind of man who can actually handle your ambition.

Because here’s the thing: the right man for you is also on his path. He’s building something. He’s becoming someone. And when God decides it’s time for your paths to cross, they will. You won’t have to force it. You won’t have to shrink yourself to make it work. The alignment will be obvious.

But that only happens if you’re actually on your path. If you’re building the life you’re meant to build. If you’re clear about who you are and what you want.

You can’t meet the right person if you’re busy trying to be the right person for the wrong people.

What the Right Partnership Actually Looks Like

The right partnership for an ambitious woman doesn’t look like most relationships you see.

It looks like two people who are both building something, and instead of competing, they’re creating space for each other to succeed. It looks like a man who isn’t threatened by your ambition because he’s secure in his own. It looks like someone who sees your goals and thinks “how can I support this?” instead of “how does this affect me?”

The right partnership feels like addition, not subtraction. You have more energy, more clarity, more capacity because you’re with someone who makes your life easier, not harder. You’re not constantly managing his ego. You’re not shrinking your wins so he doesn’t feel small. You’re not doing all the emotional labor of keeping the relationship functional while also building your career.

This kind of partnership is rare. And it doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when two whole people who’ve done their own work and built their own foundations decide to build something together.

Red Flags That a Man Will Slow You Down

Here’s how you know a relationship isn’t right for where you’re going:

He needs a lot of your time and energy just to keep things stable. You’re constantly managing his feelings, mediating conflicts, explaining yourself, justifying your choices.

He’s uncomfortable with your success. When you win, he finds ways to minimize it or redirect the conversation back to himself. Your ambition makes him insecure instead of proud.

He expects you to adjust your goals to fit his timeline. He wants you to move for his job, scale back your business, take a less demanding role so you can be more available.

He’s not building anything himself. He’s coasting. He’s comfortable. He’s not pursuing his own growth, and your drive makes him feel bad about his lack of it.

He treats your career like a hobby. Something you do until you have kids, or until he needs you to step back, or until it becomes inconvenient for him.

If any of these are true, you’re not in a partnership. You’re in a relationship that’s costing you your future.

How to Know If You Should Wait

The answer is simple: if you’re not sure, wait.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re constantly questioning whether it’s slowing you down, it probably is. If you’re single and you’re wondering whether you should be trying harder to find someone, you probably shouldn’t.

Here’s what I want you to understand: the right relationship won’t make you question whether you should be building your life. The right man won’t make you choose between your ambition and your partnership.

When it’s right, it’s easy. Not in the sense that relationships don’t require work, but in the sense that you’re not fighting against each other. You’re not compromising your core goals. You’re not wondering if you’d be further ahead if you were alone.

When God aligns your paths, you’ll know. You won’t have to force it. You won’t have to convince yourself it makes sense. You won’t have to ignore the voice in your head that’s telling you something’s off.

Until then? Build. Focus. Grow. Become the woman you’re meant to become. The woman who’s so clear about what she wants that she doesn’t settle. The woman who’s so secure in her path that she doesn’t need a relationship to validate her.

That woman doesn’t chase men. She doesn’t force timelines. She doesn’t compromise her future because she’s afraid of being alone.

She builds her life. And when the right man shows up, he fits into what she’s already created, instead of requiring her to dismantle it.

The Strategic and Spiritual Truth

Strategically, waiting makes sense. You’re building financial independence, professional credibility, and personal clarity. These things take time, and they’re harder to build when you’re navigating a relationship that’s not aligned.

Spiritually, waiting is trust. It’s believing that God’s timing is better than your forcing. It’s surrendering the anxiety about being behind or missing out, and choosing to believe that what’s meant for you will find you when you’re ready.

Both things are true. You’re being strategic about protecting your ambition. And you’re being faithful about trusting divine timing.

You don’t have to choose between being smart and being spiritual. You can be both.

What I’m Watching

The Rise of “Strategic Single” Women
More women in their late 20s and early 30s are intentionally staying single to focus on career and business building, and they’re outearning their partnered peers. The data is starting to show that for ambitious women, delaying partnership might not be a sacrifice, it might be a strategy.

“Breadwinner Wife” Dynamics
Research is showing that marriages where women outearn men have higher rates of conflict and divorce, not because of the income difference itself, but because of unresolved expectations about roles, contribution, and ego. Partnership works when both people are secure. It breaks when someone’s identity is threatened.

The “Childfree by Choice” Movement Among Career Women
More women are deciding not to have children at all, and part of that decision is about partnership. If the only men available require them to do all the domestic labor while also working, some women are opting out entirely rather than signing up for that imbalance.

Office Hours Updates: Navigating Motherhood

I’m navigating this tension right now. Well I am also married with kids, so I’m a little further along. I’m building a media company that requires my full focus, but Im also in a loving relationship that I value at its highest after God. Balancing my kids needs are the only thing that really comes at a struggle, because my kids are so so young and require every bit of me and dad.

Have to give credit to dad, but yes it requires me to work at 1am in the morning, after they are sleep…

I’m still working on that balance truly — and I will update when I have the right answer.

Community Question

Are you navigating this right now? Feeling the pressure to settle? Or have you made the choice to focus on building your life first?

Hit reply and let me know where you are in this decision. I want to hear how you’re thinking about partnership and ambition.

Recommended Reading

“The Power of the Pussy” by Kara King
Controversial title aside, this book is about maintaining your power and boundaries in relationships. If you’re an ambitious woman, you need to understand how to protect your energy and not give it away to men who aren’t adding value to your life.

“Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg (with caveats)
The career advice is solid, but pay attention to what she says about choosing the right partner. She’s clear that her career wouldn’t have been possible without a husband who genuinely supported her ambition. That’s the standard.

Next Week

Speaking of building your life: what actually happens to your career when you become a mom? We’re going to talk about the motherhood penalty, the data nobody wants to acknowledge, and what ambitious women need to know before they make that choice.

See you next week.

Until Next Week

Thanks for being here. If this resonated, forward it to a woman who’s trying to figure out whether to settle or keep building. And if someone forwarded this to you, subscribe here

Subscribe now

Office hours are closed for the week.

—Resa